Forgiveness Practice

Why is forgiveness so hard? When it’s so important and so healing to forgive? 

Our egos have our necks in their teeth, that’s why, making us SURE that we are right, that THEY are wrong, and that we must NEVER give up what is clearly our RIGHT to be RIGHT!

Huh?

On further reflection, it takes two to tango. So, without greed, hatred, or delusion, consider what happened. What part did you play in whatever it was?

And by the way, do you have any control over what happens in the world? Or any control over any other person? And, interestingly, who is the one person you actually do have control over?

Now we’re getting somewhere. You wouldn’t think this would be the case (BECAUSE IT’S THEIR FAULT), but if you focus on how you might have done things differently and better… what was triggered in your stuff… and, backing up quite a bit, on what matters most in all of it (it’s your brother whom you love and perhaps not the best idea to drop a nuclear bomb on him), you may suddenly experience shafts of light penetrating the darkness.

And there is an absolutely wonderful Forgiveness Practice created by Eric Kolvig to help you process this. I can’t recommend it highly enough! For the right person at the right time, this can be transformative. And it’s so simple.

As an example: a dear friend was struggling with a family member whose behavior may have contributed to the death of another beloved family member. She hadn’t reached the point where forgiveness even figured in the landscape of her despair when I shared this practice with her.

Remarkably, she saw how the lens could shift from anger, blame, and bitter recrimination (of great harm to everyone) towards forgiveness, and if not now, at some point in the future (towards healing for all).

Try this practice. See how it makes you feel.

Think of ways in which you have harmed yourself and harmed others. It is better to begin with minor things, not the big acts of harming. As far as you are able to do so, extend forgiveness to yourself for this harming by saying these phrases to yourself:

I allow myself to be imperfect. 
I allow myself to make mistakes. 
I allow myself to be a learner, still learning life’s lessons. 
I forgive myself. 
If I cannot forgive myself now, may I forgive myself sometime in the future. 

Think of ways in which others have harmed you—again, beginning with minor harms. As far as you are able to do so, extend forgiveness to them.

Just as I allow myself to be imperfect, so I allow you to be imperfect. 
I allow you also to make mistakes. 
I allow you to be learners, still learning life’s lessons. 
I forgive you. 
If I cannot forgive you now, may I forgive you sometime in the future. 

Ask forgiveness from others for the harm that you have done to them.

Please allow me to be imperfect. 
Please allow me to make mistakes. 
Please allow me to be a learner, still learning life’s lessons. 
Please forgive me. 
If you cannot forgive me now, please try to forgive me sometime in the future. 

How does this make you feel?

Isn’t it wonderful that we extend the same kindness to others that we offer ourselves: to allow ourselves and others to be imperfect? To be learners, still learning life’s lessons?

Isn’t this doable? And if not right this minute, being open to this occurring sometime in the future?

This is heart-healing. This is soul-nourishing.

It can transform your life. And—you may not be ready for it—yet. And that’s ok.

A good start is to read these verses out loud. So you hear the words vibrating in the air. So the possibility of forgiveness exists, perhaps suspended, but alive.

Can we forgive ourselves? Can we forgive each other? Can we see each other as life-long learners? 

Yes! Yes.

With thanks (again!) to our beloved teacher Karolynn Coleman who has shared this and other deeply healing practices with our sangha!

So many blessings, for which we are so grateful…

Photo credit: Marcus Spiske