Precious friendships

On Long Pond, Belgrade Lakes, Maine

I want to say something about the preciousness of friendship—which truly is an unfathomable treasure of life.  

I’ve just spent a week on a lake in Maine with my oldest friend, Kate. We met on the first day of kindergarten. Kate’s mother said that when she came to pick her up, all the children were clustered at the front of the classroom, waiting for their mothers—except for Kate.

She looked around the room and spotted her in the very back corner, her shiny black cap of hair leaning towards a little girl with a froth of white-blond curls, deeply engaged in some project together.

That’s how we still are, 67 years later. 🙂

We started smiling and laughing as soon as we caught sight of each other at the airport and didn’t stop the whole week through. And beyond! We texted after my return and discovered we were both still smiling! We were all charged up with happiness.

On the way to the lake, I spent several days with Susan, my BFF since college, an artist, superb cook, and very elegant woman who has seen me through both the best and worst days of my life (for which she deserves a medal).

We literally ran into each other coming and going through the doors of our painting class, whereupon my friend’s large metal toolbox fell and banged open in the hallway, sending art supplies flying every which way. By the time we had raced around collecting and putting them all back, we knew we liked each other.

That was 53 years ago. How have I been so blessed?

In a passage from the Uppadhasutta (SN 45.2), the Buddha’s cousin and attendant Ānanda comes to him to express his realization of how important friendship is in the spiritual life.

He says, “Sir, good friends, companions, and associates are half the spiritual life.”

The Buddha replies, “Not so, Ānanda! Not so, Ānanda! Good friends, companions and associates are the whole of the spiritual life.”

Clearly, the Buddha felt quite strongly about this! Which I can understand.

In Buddhism, we speak of the three jewels: the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha (community). A focus on these is considered primary for nourishing the journey toward awakening.

I so resonate with this repeated, heartfelt emphasis on the importance of friendship! 

My dear friends and teachers in my sangha support my practice every day, as I support theirs. We are present for one another, listen to each other, and offer Metta, or lovingkindness, to shine bright energy on our paths. My heart is open to all in our sangha, and you dearly beloved know who you are. Gene, Shazzie, Nupur, Regina, Joan, Jill, Daemon, Ruan, Annie…and so many more.

When I moved into a new apartment two years ago, my next door neighbor Alex came over, welcomed me, and gave me a sticky to put on my fridge with his and his wife Meleia’s cell numbers along with a warm invitation to call them anytime for whatever I need. Wow! How did I get so lucky to live next to the Roses! Who have become family, including my toddler buddy Walker, who has stolen my heart.

I was invited to be a charter member of Meleia’s  7-woman book club (I’m way the oldest) that meets monthly, an opportunity to check in on how each of us is doing. Beyond books, we help each other out in a pinch, picking up groceries, accompanying on medical appointments, cat-sitting, and will soon be cooking for a new baby’s mom and dad. 🙂 This is not typical of apartment living, from what I gather.

There’s someone I work with who’s more like a brother to me and an uncle to my grown sons than a friend/business partner. (Thank you, Anh!) There’s someone who’s accompanied me on bravely exploring and awakening into the truths of racism, homophobia, classism, and the other complexities of the ways we make people “other” (I love you, Sau!) There’s a soul-sister who imbibes nature like I do, from the inside out (dearest Dana!).

And there’s the couple with whom I have coffee every Friday at 8 am, Mike and Maria. We share our fascinations, discoveries, questions, conundrums, and adventures. I don’t even know what to call us! We’re more than “chosen family.” We are the beneficiaries of the deep goodness of friendship. I can’t express the depth of my gratitude for your presence in my life, you two.

What are friends for? 

Joy. Understanding. Compassion. Exploration! Orienteering. Fun! Solace. Wonder. And as collaborators in savoring our beautiful lives.

Thank you and bless you, my dear, dear friends.

Photo by Jo Cooper